there is something in me that is unaccessible. A part of me that is shielded and guarded, that has yet to let down its hair. I live in a house of spiders webs. A faint felt that day after day tangles a weave between me and my reality.
I don't know what it is that is holding back. It is just unavailable. Like a magnet, no question as to its polarity, ain't no way you can get to it. I am here, its over there and no matter how hard I push there is more likelihood of me spinning for eternity than getting any closer to it. its just recently the separation has become more pronounced. And the divide greater. As one part of me engages in the world, the other sits back and lets me finish the sentence, only this sentence never ends. Partially I believe that my reptilian brain has closed down. The inconceivable thought that would stem from this grey matter is mute. Partly because the world i see does not speak my language. Like the feeling that I had as a child where I knew there was no way I was made of the same stuff as my family. Maybe its because I am the only one that's not lost under the spell that this is ok for everyone else or maybe it because I am the crazy one. I am the one with a fairy dust warped vision of a world healed & wholesome. But that wholesome healing journey has to begin with me.
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